Sunday, November 21, 2010

Who Needs Babies? I Have Pets

A few years after the Man-Cub was born, I suffered from a wicked case of baby fever and, for just a few days; almost regretted my decision to have my tubes tied. Then, the Cub caught a particularly virulent case of stomach flu and, after two solid days of cleaning up barf, diarrhea and tears, I was pretty much over it.

This morning, I awoke to yet another pile of dog puke, a puddle of cat pee and a molten pile of someone’s diarrhea, probably the cat’s since it was a relatively small pile and was on a throw rug located in the vicinity of the litter box.

I have officially arrived at the conclusion that the only difference between raising pets and raising small people is the fact that pets require more vacuuming up after them which, as an aside, seriously, dog? Considering how much fur I empty from the vacuum canister every day, how do you have any hair left on your body?

And, I digress.

So, already this morning I have washed a load of laundry consisting of the covers to the dog’s beds since, that is what he soiled with his pukage, plus several towels used to sop up the puddle of cat pee (which was, conveniently, contained on the rubber mat placed under the litter box, making the accident less frustrating since it was clearly a near-miss of the litter box and not some jacked-up cry-for-attention cat thing and, the rags used to clean up the mystery-although more than likely cat generated-pile of poo.

This is exactly the kind of laundry I used to do when the kids were babies, so; please consider any possibility of baby fever for this girl to be OVER. Also, the next time one of the children casually mentions that it sure would be neat to get another puppy, you know, as company for Rowdie; manual strangulation of offending party may commence.

Ok, not really; I can replace my pets but I could never replace my children. Oh, hey! There’s another difference between the two! Huh.

1 comment:

  1. Seeing as I have spent the bulk of the past 12 hours cleaning up child puke/diarrhea, I am totally with you on this one. And if the cat pukes today, I'm totally throwing her ass out on the curb since I can't so that with the puking child.