Big Brother 2018: First Impressions

You know it's summertime when CBS busts out the crazies! So, what does the wack-a-doodle line up look like for this season?

Top row, starting from the left we have:

1. Bayleigh, Flight Attendant. Wait, who? Yeah, she makes quite an impression.

2. Faysal, Substitute Teacher. I'm not sure I'm buying it.

3.Tyler, Lifeguard. CBS Casting Call: Wanted, stereotypical California surfer dude. Prerequisites for consideration will include long, wavy, sun-streaked hair, glazed eyes, typical surfer wardrobe, including collection of puka shell necklaces and flip flops. Audition required. Tyler, "Duuuude! Nailed it!". Yes, yes you did.

4. Kaycee, Pro Football Player. Also, professional sulker, if her reaction to her lackluster performance in the first competition is any indication. She does, however, manage to pull off the rainbow unitard like a champ.

5. Brett, Cyber Security Engineer. Well, there's a skill set that will come in handy in the Big Brother house. Not.

6. Angela, Fitness Model. Bleh. There's one every year. EYEROLL.

Second Row, from the left:

7. Rachel, Vegas Entertainer. Rachel's last name is Swindler and she claims to be an entertainer in Vegas; I'm calling it now: she's a drag queen. Who wants to take that bet?

8. JC, Professional Dancer. And, I'll say it: Little Person. He is literally a little person who dances, which, makes me want to crack a joke about not being in Kansas anymore, but, I don't want to burn in Hell, so I'll keep that one to myself.

9. Kaitlyn, Life Coach. Is that even a real profession? I'm going with no.

10. Scottie, Shipping Manager. Ummm...yeah, I got nothing.

Bottom row, from the left:

11. Angie, aka "Rockstar", Stay at Home Mom. If Mr. Magoo and Waldow were to conceive a love child, she would look an awful lot like Rockstar. Hey, you were thinking it; I just said it.

12. Haleigh, College Student. And??? No, really; that's it.

13. Sam, Welder. If the Clampetts are missing a cousin, I believe we've found her.

14. Winston, Medical Sales Rep. I think he's supposed to be the eye candy this season. I'm just going to refer to him as the Drug Pusher from here on out.

15. Steve, Former Undercover Cop. Heretofore to be known as The Poor Man's Jimmy Smits, because the resemblance is uncanny.

Not pictured in the official cast promotional photo (hmmm, odd) is this guy:

16. Chris "Swaggy C", Day Trader. Also, Master of the Art of Conversing With Himself. Duuuude, outlining your nefarious plot to take over the world only works if you are a cartoon villain.

The season is off to a rollicking start! Tune in tomorrow for the second night of Biiiiig Brother!

( Last year, I managed to hang in for the entire season; will I manage a repeat of that accomplishment? Time will tell! )