100 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me

In honor of the 100th post to this blog, I plan to bore you to tears with my very favorite subject; me!

You're welcome!

1. I was born on November 28, 1968 in a small town in Colorado.

2. I have two children, one girl and one boy.

3. I have been married to Hugh since September 4, 1993.

4. I am addicted to Diet Pepsi in a 24 oz. plastic bottle. I don’t drink soda from a can. Ever.

5. I am the middle child. I have an older sister and a younger sister.

6. My parents have been married for over forty years. To each other, even.

7. I have a group of six college girlfriends who know everything about me and who love me anyway.

8. I tried to smoke a cigarette while on Spring Break in Mazatlan with the same six friends. They have never let me forget it, either.

9. I have never done an illegal drug in my life. And I'm not just saying that because my parents read this. Hi, Dad!

10. I did keep cocaine in my freezer for a while, though. Hugh was a drug enforcement officer who trained drug-sniffing dogs, so it was entirely legal. I swear.

11. I was a cheerleader in high school.

12. I had one boyfriend all the way through high school and college. Which goes a loooong way in explaining #29 on this list.

13. I only dated my husband for six months before he proposed to me.

14. I have a BA in Humanities with a split-minor in English and History and a minor in Psychology. I also have a Teaching degree. With the exception of writing this rag, I use virtually none of that fine education.

15. But I still don’t think that going to college was a waste of my time.

16. I have a job that I am virtually unqualified for. It's been eight years; you would think someone would have noticed by now.

17. I never went through the “I hate my mother” stage. And I still love her and want to be just like her when I grow up.

18. I am scared to death that my daughter will not only go through the “I hate my mother” stage, but will become the Mayor of I Hate My Motherville.

19. When I was six I stole penny candy from Safeway. My mother made me take it back and tried to convince the store manager to call the police so they could have a “talk” with me.

20. I’ve not stolen anything, since.

21. I currently provide a home to one mentally deficient black lab, one yellow lab, a fourteen-year-old marmalade kitty, a red and blue beta fish and three hermit crabs.

22. I used to think that I wanted to restore and live in an old Victorian house.

23. Then Hugh and I spent three years remodeling our current home and now, I think; fuck that shit.

24. I have a wicked and sarcastic sense of humor.

25. My Dad used to tell me that I had a very sharp tongue and my mother was forever begging me to just freaking hold it, already!

26. My older sister and I never got along very well as kids, but we like each other ok now.

27. My younger sister and I always got along. Except for that one time I made her eat a piece of raw hamburger and she threw up. I don’t think she liked me very much that day.

28. Someday I will write the great American novel.

29. I have logged more designated driver mileage than just about anyone I know.

30. I am a fabulous cook.

31. Everyone I know loves my soft sugar cookies. Even people who hate cookies.

32. I am a wine snob. I pretend to know all about it. I really only know what I like and the rest I learned in Wine for Dummies which my best girlfriend, Jules got me for my birthday one year.

33. My 30th birthday was both the worst day of my life and the best.

34. My Mom survived breast cancer and I try to walk in the Bosom Buddies Run/Walk Cancer fundraiser each October.

35. I am a Christmas fanatic. I decorate everything that stands still. I bake for days. I spoil my children rotten. I listen to carols for six weeks, straight.

36. I taught my nephew the Diarrhea Song when he was three. He’s sixteen now and my sister still hasn’t forgiven me.

37. I was born on Thanksgiving Day and I love turkey and stuffing.

38. I am a highly respected member of my community. Heh. What people don’t know, won’t hurt them.

39. My Mother-in-Law did not used to be at all fond of me. She is warming up, though.

40. One day, I will take a culinary tour of Italy.

41. Autumn is my favorite time of year.

42. I totally get into Halloween. All my children’s friends and classmates come to our house to Trick or Treat because it is so cool and creepy.

43. I throw the best birthday parties for my children.

44. Other mothers hate me.

45. Those who don’t hate me want to BE me. Ha, ha.

46. I love to read and write.

47. I am a scrapbooking maniac. Each of my kids has at least four completed scrapbooks, already.

48. Even though I know how bad it is for me, I love to sunbathe.

49. Water calms me. The sound, the feel and the smell, they are my friends.

50. I hate professional sporting events.

51. My daughter was conceived in a bathroom in Annapolis, Maryland and my son was conceived under a Christmas tree.

52. I love kick-boxing.

53. I hate negative people.

54. I don’t give up. On anything. Ever. Unless I decide that whatever it is I am not giving up on is no longer worth achieving to me. Then I never look back.

55. I combat pain with humor and sarcasm.

56. My hair is ALWAYS at that “in-between” stage.

57. I am naturally a brunette but I have been a blond and a red head.

58. I go to the dentist every six months, faithfully.

59. I go to the gynecologist once a year, faithfully.

60. I would walk over hot coals and broken glass for my friends.

61. I never eat fish. Fish is nasty.

62. I am an amateur photographer and have won awards for my photos.

63. I had a children’s story published.

64. I have been known to binge on junk food.

65. I love a good cup of coffee with sweetener and cream.

66. I suck at math.

67. I hate confrontation.

68. I have never been in a fist-fight.

69. I cannot make Rice Krispie Treats to save my life.

70. I remember dates very well and send cards on special occasions.

71. I got my first kiss from Doug Schroeder at The Muppet Movie when I was in the sixth grade.

72. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong or that I have made a mistake.

73. I broke Doug Schroeder’s heart in seventh grade. It was wrong. I admit it.

74. Doug Schroeder broke my heart in eighth grade. Paybacks are a bitch.

75. I have never had a one-night stand.

76. I hate lazy people.

77. I love the smell of bread baking and there is nothing better than the first slice when it comes out of the oven.

78. I am not a competitive person, by nature.

79. I used to smuggle Circus Peanuts to my grandmother in the nursing home even though she was diabetic and shouldn’t have been eating them. When she died this year, I slipped a package of Circus Peanuts under the pillow in her coffin. She is sharing those peanuts with my grandfather in heaven.

80. I can hold a grudge until the end of time if I so choose. But I have to be REALLY pissed off.

81. I have never cheated on a boyfriend or my husband but I cannot stay faithful to a diet to save my life.

82. When I am in shape I have a killer figure.

83. When I am out of shape I look like a potato on sticks.

84. I love foot massages.

85. My younger sister gives the best foot massages. I wish she lived closer so that she could give them to me more often.

86. My Dad, my husband and my son are in a three-way tie for first place in my heart.

87. As he was walking me down the aisle my Dad gave me the option to run. I didn’t need to take him up on it but, it was nice to know that he would support me no matter what I wanted to do, even something crazy like being a runaway bride.

88. When my date for the senior prom got food poisoning my Dad offered to escort me on the Grand March. I didn’t take him up on it because, who wants to be caught dead with their Dad at Prom? But, I appreciate the offer to this very day.

89. I lost my fifteen month old nephew to Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Cancer sucks.

90. My baby sister and my brother- in- law are the bravest people that I know.

91. I have experienced three panic attacks in my life. I hope never to experience a fourth.

92. My son was born hand-first. He was waving at the world.

93. I took my daughter swimming for the first time when she was two months old. She took to it like a fish to water which makes sense; she is a Pisces.

94. I was the director of an aquatic facility for seven years. I have saved more than one life.

95. To me, one of the most soothing scents in the world is pool chlorine when it mixes with humidity and sunlight.

96. I’m strange, I know.

97. I can still fit into the first lifeguard suit that I ever owned.

98. I am terrible with money and I love to shop.

99. I am not in debt because I married a man who is really good with money.

100. I got my belly button pierced in Las Vegas. As a gift to myself on my 30th birthday. I don’t regret it.

So, now you know all there is to know about me. Whatever will I write about, now?

Well, there was that one time, at band camp.....