I went to the Hellmouth today to do yet more Christmas shopping. Once I turned into the parking lot from the highway, I made my customary right turn and headed for the third row from the end of the building to park in my usual spot.
What? Like you don’t practice a parking ritual every time you go to your local Hellmouth. Puh-leeze!
Today, however, as I was driving down the row I was suddenly headed right into a compact car that was clearly headed in the WRONG direction and, let me tell you, those rows? They are narrow.
Have I mentioned how much I hate the Hellmouth? Have I mentioned that EVERY FLIPPING TIME that I go to the Hellmouth I am confronted with apathy, stupidity or both? And here it was, in the parking lot, before I had even crossed the threshold into the bowels of hell, stupidity at its finest.
My immediate reaction was to swear under my breath (or, you know, OUTLOUD). Next I mentally weighed my options for the moment when our cars squeaked by each other.
a. Flip the bird.
b. Paste a scowl on my face and let my expression do the talking.
c. Shake my head at the driver as one would an errant child.
As I was weighing the options, however, the woman behind the wheel did a most precious thing; she raised her hands up, shrugged her shoulders and made the “I’m loco” motion where-in you point your index finger at your temple and rotate it in small circles while simultaneously cocking your head to one side as your tongue lolls out of the corner of your mouth. Then she smiled the most radiant smile that I think I have ever seen and not only did I forgive her completely but I think I fell a little bit in love.
Right there in the parking lot of the Hellmouth, a Christmas Miracle!
Who woulda thunk it?