Tuesday, January 09, 2018

A Day In The (Really Boring) Life

As someone who works closely with all different types of people, learning about their family dynamics and unique culture, I am always looking for ways to better understand what makes them tick. One exercise that I use when first engaging a new family is the "day in the life" exercise, wherein they share what a normal day looks like, and, let me tell you, it is always fascinating to hear what they have to say (by fascinating, I sometimes mean horrifying, but, those are stories for another day).

I can't compete with some of the stories I've heard, but, here is what a typical day in my life looks like, currently.

5:00 a.m. My alarm goes off and I head to the shower, where I will stand under a strong pressure jet for as long as it takes to sufficiently wake up, after which I slap some make-up on, dry my hair, throw on the first thing I grab from my closet and call it good. What can I say? I'm not my best before coffee..

6:00-6:45(ish). Drink coffee, feed cats, take collagen supplements, check email, read blog, and generally surf the web until it is time to roll out to the hardware store...

6:50 (ish)-8:00. Count money until my fingers are black (money is hella dirty; trust me on this). Do whatever else needs doing and then make a mad dash for Hooterville and Day Job.

8:15 (ish)-12:00. My view for the morning consists of my computer and the quarterly report that I am currently working on. I sip on my breakfast smoothie and drink several cups of herbal tea as well.

Today, my morning routine was broken up by our weekly staff meeting, at which I am required to don a wig and to channel my inner Jewish woman. What? You heard me. Meet Hildy, my alter-ego.

Hildy co-hosts the weekly staff meeting, using a morning talk show format, complete with a microphone and a ditzy sidekick, known affectionately as "Office Mom". This morning, Office Mom and Hildy welcomed a special guest, the CFO of the corporation that runs Day Job; he appreciated Hildy's fabulous energy and awesome Bronx accent, not to mention the (two sizes too small) T-shirt  presented to him for making the trip down from Neighboring City.

(Hildy was supposed to be a one-time thing, a fun departure from our usual lame office meetings; then leadership got involved and the next thing I knew, it was part of my job duties. Life is weird, y'all.)

12:00-5:00 (ish). Lunch at my desk, generally a pre-packaged, portion-controlled, low-calorie entree that I have liberated from freezer camp, aka: my stash in the office deep freeze.

In a total departure from the usual, today, Co-worker Kristi aided me in a dumpster diving adventure, aimed at recovering the local newspaper, which had been thrown out by the cleaning lady before I had a chance to clip the articles on Petticoat Junction's basketball team for the Boosters. Kristi is good people.

Then, we took our daily walk. We were joined by Co-worker Erin and we made our way to a local neighborhood, where we fed the flock of domesticated ducks that live in the canal.

After work, I hit the gym, where I finished off my 10,000 steps for the day on the treadmill. You know, for it being less than two weeks into the new year, there doesn't seem to be much of a rush to pack the gym in Petticoat Junction; guess fitness resolutions weren't super high on the priority lists of the locals. Hey! More privacy for me!

When I got home, I washed my face, leaving a layer of bubbles in the sink that appeared to really, really fascinate Finnigan.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Guinness was perfecting his roadkill impersonation.

Recently, I have been suffering from a displaced rib in my back, so, Hugh hooked me up to his tens machine and I twitched and spasmed for an hour or so while I ate left-over blow-out chili (three bean recipe, gets the job done!) and am currently surfing the internet and watching Drunk History (love this show!) while waiting for the Man-Cub to get home from a basketball game in a nearby town (he's also been making his rounds this week, saying his farewells until summer).

It's almost 9:00, which is my bedtime, so I hope he gets home soon.

And, that's about it for a (really, really boring) day in my life. No wonder I find the antics of my clients so much more interesting.

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