Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday Flashback, Spring Break 1991: Its All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Dropped on Their Head in a Fountain

The kids start Spring Break today and they are both looking forward to lazy days without alarm clocks, no practices to attend, no homework and no schedules. I’m looking forward to all the extra dishes I will get to do, the messes that greet me each day as I arrive home from work and the inevitable phone calls I will field that consist of tattling and complaining. Good times!

In another life, I actually looked forward to Spring Break but, that was back in the day when I was young and knew everything about the world, you know, like all teenagers do.

My fondest memory of Spring Break was the trip I took to Mazatlan in 1991 with my college roommates because, despite the fact that I knew everything; I really learned a lot on that that trip, for instance:

When you drink an exotic concoction known as Jungle Juice from a fifty gallon trash can along with 3000 other college students, you are bound to get tipsy. During your tipsy state, you may-or may not-attempt to smoke a cigarette despite your firm anti-smoking policy. Later, when you deny ever having done such a thing, your friends might present you with photographic evidence of the crime and, once you confess, you will be branded as a Spring Break Smoker for the rest of your life even though, twenty years later, upon further inspection of the incriminating photograph; you will discover that it was only possible to hold that cigarette if, in fact, you had two right hands. Also, MENSA might deny your application for membership.

Jungle Juice consumption will lead to the inevitable task of having to hold one of your girlfriend’s hair back as she pukes. This is a non-negotiable part of your allegiance to The Sisterhood; there is no excuse for bailing on this responsibility. Further, if said girlfriend should, in addition to being violently ill, happen to be dropped on her head in the water fountain outside your hotel; you may not verbally berate the Sisters who accidentally dropped her; that's just not cool.

Once you all recover from your introduction to the Jungle Juice and have sobered up sufficiently, it will be time to play games. On the beach. With partially-naked guys whom you barely know. It is important to note, you must win the prize at the Beach Olympics or suffer the wrath of your future teenage daughter in the event that she stumbles upon your Spring Break 1991 photo album and declares herself disgusted at your adolescent antics; being able to claim a victory over other adolescent naked beach gamers may lift her opinion of you. Half a notch.

On rare occasions, when a guy asks if you want to “pet his iguana”, he actually means, do you want to pet his iguana. also, aiding and abetting that guy in smuggling his iguana across the border could get you into a boatload of trouble. If you get caught.

Sometimes, on Spring Break in a foreign country, you will meet a guy who will proceed to follow you around like a whipped puppy, claiming to loooove you. He won’t, really. But, you can take advantage of the situation by getting him to buy you drinks and cool hammocks from guys hawking them on the beach. Not that I know anything about that, personally. (Unless his name is George)

When all is said and done, barring any unforeseen circumstances, you will have had a vacation to remember. You will have learned some new things, increased your foreign language vocabulary (Uno mas cerveza, por favor), and created memories that will last a lifetime with the people who’s friendship will last just as long.

So, yes, Spring Break; highly recommended.

Sisterhood, goes without saying.


  1. Anonymous8:05 AM

    THIS was great to read!!! TOO much fun.. and half naked guys?? I saw some FULL ON naked!! lol
    I can't believe as you guys were all being CRAZY drunk. I had a 3 month old!! OMG WHAT WAS I THINKING! `Melis

  2. Anonymous1:33 PM

    By the way it is "Una cervesa más, por favor" instead of "Una más cervesa"! Think in spanish not in english(one more beer, please!)
    haha and by the way I am from Culiacán, so Mazatlán is like 2 hours from my place. It is still a nice place for spending the summer:) specially for a teenager like me. Viva México señores! Saludos desde Sinaloa, señora. :)