Tuesday, April 06, 2010

$190,528.00. The Average Cost to Raise a Child in Today’s Economy, According to the US Department of Agriculture

And, that’s not including college, entertainment, orthodontics, extra-curricular activities or the hours of therapy they will inevitably need thanks to our stellar parenting.

This is all a long-winded way to say; we paid for The Teenager’s braces today and, much like Mary Tyler Moore, that child had better turn the world on with her smile when this is all said and done.

After visiting the orthodontist (who, it should be noted has a lovely smile, himself) (and, is hawt) (and, funny) (but, still, expensive as all hell), The Teenager and I made a brief stop at the sporting goods store where I dropped another small fortune on track shoes, the purchase of which brings the total number of pairs of new shoes that I have financially sponsored in the past six months to seven, count ‘em, seven pairs: volleyball shoes, basketball shoes, wrestling shoes, football cleats, baseball cleats, the above-mentioned track shoes and, running shoes, one pair of which were actually mine (can you guess?).

So, while I respect the authority of the US Department of agriculture, I must question the validity of its financial statistics in regard to child-rearing as I fear that the purchase of shoes alone puts us over their published average.

In slightly less depressing news, The Teenager is using those track shoes for, well, track, obviously. And, despite coming from a long line of people who would rather be eaten by lions than run (present company excluded, you know, recently), she appears to love the endeavor.

Also, the Man-Cub started baseball practice last night despite sixty-mile-per-hour winds and frigid temperatures. His team is, shall we say,” experience challenged”. In fact, with the exception of the Cub and maybe two of his teammates, I don’t think there is a kid on the team who has played the sport competitively. Hugh isn’t coaching this year and, therefore, we don’t feel we have the privilege to bitch openly about the teams being stacked in favor of (or to the disadvantage of) any particular team but, you know, I can bitch about it here because this is my blog.

And, I didn’t spend thirty bucks on new baseball cleats to watch my son play with the Bad News Bears, although, that is exactly what is going to happen.

On the other hand, as long as he has fun, thirty bucks is a small price to pay when compared to the other $190,528.00 we have to look forward to spending on him.

$190,528.00. Damn.

1 comment:

  1. This is exactly the kind of stuff I bring up when Jim poo-poos my concern re: the cost of having four or five kids (his wish.) "They haven't been that expensive so far!" he protests. Yeah, they also haven't joined any organized sports or started requiring glasses and braces and cars and college educations. You have to think LONG TERM, dude.