Greetings From Denver International Airport Where I have Missed My Flight, Cracked My Kneecap and Dropped an F-Bomb...In Front of NUNS

So, yeah, we missed our flight to Orlando. See, when a woman tells a man that they need to be at the airport two hours before their flight is scheduled to depart and the man makes annoying tsk, tsk noises and proceeds to get you to the airport an hour before said departure because "you've already checking in online and your bags have been checked in online as well and security? Pshaw, how long can that line be?, you tend to miss your plane.

Of course, you won't know that you've missed your plane for sure until you run through the terminal, stupidly following said man up the down escalator which works about as well as you would expect, hence the cracked kneecap, bleeding wound and ruined capri pants.

Also, there will be cussing in front of inappropriate audiences, including your children and a group of nuns who are using the escalators correctly.

We are currently on stand-by for the next flight out. It's a full flight so I don't hold out much hope but, on the bright side, the wait gives me plenty of time to elevate my leg while pressing an ice bag to my rapidly swelling kneecap.

Godamnit.