I just can't believe it's been ten years. I also can't believe how similar the comments I had on the Oscars then were to the thoughts that I had about them this year, but, the more things change, the more they stay the same, I suppose. Also, I really do miss Deadwood; Timothy Olyphant was super hot.
Yes, yes I was.
Memo To My Weekend
Dear Weekend: Four hours of sleep on Friday night is just not enough, especially when you have to drive in a raging snowstorm for over an hour to get to a wrestling tournament in the morning. And, while we are on the subject, seven hours on a hard gymnasium bleacher? Not fun. Although, I am very proud that the Man-Cub took first place in his division and that he was nominated as Outstanding Wrestler due to being such a good winner. That might have made up for the aching ass, at least a little bit. Also, thanks for the spot of humor in my day when the Man-Cub screamed “OUCH! That hurt my nuts!” as he racked himself on the rail that I had just told him to quit playing on; I have to admit, the collective whipping around of heads in that gymnasium was spectacular. And funny. Oh, the Man-Cub did not think so, but I digress. Dinner at the Chinese restaurant, by the way; great way to end the day.
Sleeping in on Sunday was nice, thanks. And the Girl enjoyed her play date with her friend from school; going to the swimming pool was a stroke of brilliance and the ice cream sundaes afterwards were a big hit.
Speaking of hitting, are you in charge of disciplining the Girl when she smacks her little brother? Because I weary, Weekend, seriously. I weary.
On another weary topic, how about them Oscars! The fashions actually generated some memos of their very own i.e.:
Dear Selma Hayek I am in awe of your cleavage. That is all. -Respectfully
Dear Laura Linney Were you TRYING to match your dress to your skin tone? Just wondering. -Puzzled
Dear Penelope Cruz So sorry Selma’s cleavage stole your thunder. I have a seriously good push-up bra, give me a call and I’ll hook you up! -With sympathy
Dear Hilary Swank Two Oscars AND Rob Lowe for a brother-in-law? Seriously, did you sell your soul to the devil? -Jealously yours
Dear Orlando Bloom Mrrrowwrr! -Droolingly yours
Dear Charlize Theron I had a girlfriend in high school who wore that exact same dress to prom. I am not quite sure what to say about that. -Confused
Dear Renee Zellwegar Girl! OPEN your EYES! All that squinting causes wrinkles and Botox is dangerous! -P.S. For the love of god woman, eat a fucking sandwich! -Worried
Dear Beyonce, Girlfriend, you are not all that. -Bored
Dear Oscar Producers, FYI: There are other female vocalists in the world. Some of them are very popular. -Just thought you should know
Dear Weekend, cont. Thanks for salvaging my night with a great episode of Carnivale. If I had ended with the Oscars, I might have slept better but I am not complaining. -Chelle
P.S. Could you please thank Next Weekend, in advance, for showing episodes of both Carnivale and Deadwood? That makes me so happy, I could wet myself! -Kisses!