Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Well, Staring At a Blank Screen Isn’t Going to Get Me Anywhere

I’ve attempted to write this post about fifteen times over the past week and, each time I think I have the words, I am proven completely wrong. So, I think it best to admit the truth; there are no words.
There are no words to express the depths of my sorrow. No words to bring comfort to my broken heart. No words powerful enough to erase the pain of the last week or adequate enough to describe the events that led to it.
And, that’s ok.
It’s ok to feel like I am being held under water, aware that life is going on around me but unable to distinctly hear the conversations or to clearly see. That will pass, of course it will.
It’s ok to grieve; I will.

I do.
But, my dad would be so disappointed if I allowed that grief to paralyze me. If I allow it to diminish my capacity to love life or give it a chance to steal my joy; I will dishonor every lesson that my dad ever taught me.

And, I can't have that.
So, instead, I will focus on the blessings that are so abundant in my life. I will make myself do the things that I know need to be done and I will do my very best to be joyful in the execution.
And, one day (soon, please let it be soon), the words will come.
And, it will be ok.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It'll turn around, really, it will. You know to not be afraid to grieve - you need to do it. Little by little normal will return. Take good care of your mom too. Don't be afraid to lean on each other.

Brian


Delia Spengler said...

Brian is right, things will go back to normal a little bit at time, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Grieve in your own way and in your own time - don't let any make you feel like you should cut it short. Remember to take care of yourself and hold onto all the good memories your have of your dad - they will help. Thinking of you.