Friday, July 14, 2017

This Was, By Far, the Saddest Break-Up I've Ever Had

Yesterday, I finally met with my gynecologist for my once-tri-annual-spelunking of the Nether Bits. I say finally because, the appointment has been rescheduled three times, once because the good doctor was sick and twice because I had an unexpected visitor in the form of Aunt Flo, who, fickle bitch, had neglected to arrive on time for her scheduled visit in June, and then, made an unexpected re-appearance a mere two weeks following the end of her belated visit.

Does that make sense?

It made sense when I explained it to the good doctor.

Anyhoodle, we finally connected (pun not intended) for my exam, and, as she was exploring the deepest, darkest regions of the Nether Bits, she casually informed me that she is retiring this year, so, this would be our last adventure together.

That made me sad; she's been my chief spelunker since 1999, she knows the terrain, if you get what I'm saying. While I'm really happy for her (she is moving back to Oregon to be closer to family), I am sad for the Nether Bits, having to be re-discovered by a brand new spelunker, who, could be far less quick, efficient, and gentle as the good doctor.

Once she was satisfied that no new stalactites or stalagmites had grown in the Nether Bits since her last spelunking of them, she snapped her gloves off and gave me a big hug goodbye, casting me adrift, into the sea of providers covered by my insurance.

At least she spared me the trite and tired "It's not you, it's me" speech.

I'll  live, but, still :(

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