I got the pathology results from my recent biopsy today, and, as expected, they were normal. This points to my "issues" being caused by a probable hormone imbalance which, the Good Doctor explained, indicates the need for a hormone replacement protocol, heavy on the progesterone.
Just because my ovaries are so old they are literally coughing dust does not mean that I want to go messing around with the fake hormones; that shit most likely caused my mom's breast cancer and, I kind of like my breasts intact (don't tell them; just today I complained about them getting in the way of my wearing a really cute button-down shirt).
So, rather than signing up for monthly pharmacy deliveries, I will tough it out on the Peri Menopause Train, irregular, unexpected bleeding and all.
Fuck, it's awesome to be a female!