Dear Lady Hogging My Favorite Treadmill At the Gym Tonight,
I don't mind the fact that I had to use my second-favorite treadmill for my run this evening. I didn't mind running next to you, even though you kept shooting me weird glances while throwing off my pace with that odd skip-step thing that you were doing. I didn't even mind when you had that spasmodic coughing fit that left me concerned for your general health and well being.
What I do mind is the fact that, after you finished with your wog (not quite a walk, but not a qualified jog), and, after that spasmodic coughing fit; you completely neglected to wipe down the machine as is requested by numerous signs displayed throughout the gym as well as being general knowledge to anyone, who has ever used a gym in their life.
I did mention that you were on my favorite treadmill, right? I certainly wouldn't want to jump on that machine following the mucus shower that you spewed all over the place, nor would I wish that on some other unsuspecting person. Senior citizens with vulnerable immune systems use our gym, friend.
So, when I finished my run, I wiped down your machine as well as my own. I don't suppose I have to tell you that, in the future, I will do a peremptory wipe down of any treadmill that I get on at the gym; I may have been an unsuspecting fool once, but, now I am enlightened. I guess I have you to thank for that.
The Woman Who Offered to Perform the Heimlich on You in Case You Were Actually Choking To Death on the Treadmill Next to Her